Boa…Nguu Yak! (Boa…The Huge Snake!)(2006): A Worse Big-Snake Movie than Amayo Uzo Phillips’? Yes!

Boa…Nguu Yak! (Boa…the Huge Snake!) (Chaninton Muangsuwan, 2006)

[note: review originally published 2Jan2011]

 

Rumor has it Alice Cooper is in negotiations to buy this snake for his stage show.

I should note that my translation of the title above comes from the subtitles on the disc of this film I saw, and those subtitles are so phenomenally bad that there were actually phrases spoken in English that were mistranslated in the subs. So before you take my word for it that “Nguu Yak!” translates as “the Huge Snake!”, consult a Thai friend. Before viewing this movie, on the other hand, please consult me, so I can warn you away from it. I am about to utter a phrase I never hoped I would have to: if someone went to Asia to produce a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie, it would come out looking a whole lot like Boa. I can’t even begin to describe to you how much of a disappointment that is. More so that it comes as the first feature from Muangsuwan, the FAD on The Legend of Suriyothai, one of the most globally popular Thai films of all time; here’s a guy who seemed to be shimmering with promise, and when he finally came out with his own feature, it was the Thai equivalent of Megasnake.

 

“Don’t worry, sweetie, i think he’s gone…”

Plot: a guy goes missing in the jungles of Thailand. A number of his school buddies go looking for him, and instead discover a monstrous boa. Then the military gets called in, and it is at that point the movie goes from outright disbelief to unintentional hilarity.

So, do you think they did this with CGI?

 

All the SFCOM markers are here. There’s bad CGI, awful script, generic cute chicks (and one who’s supposed to be the “plain” intelligent one who’s actually hotter than the rest of the bunch: in this movie, that’s Kiratikorn Ratkulthorn, in her first but hopefully not last film), monsters that do nothing you’d think they would do (here’s a hint, scriptwriters: it’s a BOA CONSTRICTOR, not a riding crop), etc. Oh, and a guy with a bar code tattooed under his chin. For real? I guess there really is a use for the neck beard. If only he’d had one. Seriously, there is not a single reason to ever watch this flick, unless you want to see Kiratikorn Ratkulthorn getting her hot on for an hour and a half. *

 

Trailer, spansubbed.