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Goreinvasión (2004): What… the… Hell?

Goreinvasión (Germán Magariños, 2004)

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One look at this poster should tell you this ain’t The Exorcist.

(Note: this review is from 1Dec2008)

There are microbudget movies you’re supposed to take seriously. They’re carefully-crafted, impeccably plotted, and well-scripted. Sometimes the only way you can tell they’re microbudget movies is the amateurish acting and bad film stock. Were their directors bankrolled by Hollywood/Bollywood, they’d be huge A-list directorial stars winning scads of Oscars.

Goreinvasión is not, by any stretch of the imagination, one of these movies. It seems as if the entire thing were improvised, parts look as if they were written in simply because a friend stopped by and the director said “hey, you want to be in a movie?”, the plot resembles a plate of overcooked spaghetti that was never stirred during cooking, the gore resembles the sauce you’d use to try and cover up the clumps that result (hey, that’s not a bad analogy for this entire movie!), the jokes are downright awful, and all the nudity is gratuitous. No, wait, everything about this movie is gratuitous. In other words, if the makers of this movie spent five bucks on the video camera rental, the movie cost about four ninety-five too much to make.

I loved every second of it.

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Sure, they’re cute when they’re being held prisoner…

I’m not even going to try and recount the plot, which has something to do with invading aliens, drug dealers, and an obsessed low-budget-horror-movie director. The script, as I may have mentioned before, seems as if it were actually nonexistent. There were no taboos during the making of this movie, and despite the special effects being in no way special, there are still some scenes that, because of what they’re trying to depict, are pretty much

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…but give them weaponry? Gorgeous!

guaranteed to offend some viewers. (I’m not going to describe the most offensive one here, but if you head for IMDB and look up judaspriest’s review of this movie, he mentions it in passing. You have been warned: even the one-liner description may be too much for more sensitive stomachs.) But if you read the description above and think “man, I need to see this movie!”, then you already know it’s for you. (And, of course, if you don’t…) So why are you still reading? Go find yourself a copy! **

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Did you ever notice it’s always the terrorists in the balaclavas who end up saving the universe?

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

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