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Tag Archives: two-and-a-half-stars

Plagued (2013): At Last, Someone Found a Reason to Visit Missouri

Better Hero Army, Plagued: The Midamerica Zombie Half-Breed Experiment (Storyteller Press, 2013)

Plagued

If every zombie looked like that, would anyone actually MIND the apocalypse? photo credit: Amazon

First off: if you’re going to use a pseudonym, at least make it sound like a human being’s name. Otherwise, you might find yourself releasing books under a name like Bolaji Worldstar77. Or Sunshine 44. Or Better Hero Army.

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Me and My Big Mouth (2011): That’s Another Fine Mess You’ve Gotten Me Into

photo credit: Oregon State University

Lusha Lovelace, Me and My Big Mouth (Desires Unleashed, 2011)

bigmouth

That’s one lucky chair. Photo credit: my Kindle copy

Another piece of cheap Kindle porn that has to add degradation to rough sex, but at least it’s in moderation here, there’s a decent amount of setup to make this feel like there’s something to it other than being porny, and the sex itself is steamily written. Probably the best of the batch of Kindle shorts of its ilk I read this weekend, save for the unnecessary degradation. Also: you might assume from the title this is meant as a romantic (well, porny) comedy. Not the case. ** ½

Capsule Reviews, November 2014

Only late enough that December’s capsule reviews are coming next Monday…
[update 25Nov2014: and this should have been posted yesterday, but WordPress seems to be having problems with graphics uploads for some reason. I will get there, honest…]

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Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses (2014): Another Sequel

Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses (Craig Moss, 2014)

Danny Trejo and Danny Glover adorn the DVD cover.

If these two can learn to stand each other…
photo credit: ramascreen.com

It is a foregone conclusion, given Hollywood economics these days, that when one finds oneself with a surprise hit on one’s hands, one must make a sequel. Bad Ass was the very definition of a surprise hit; Moss’ 2012 basement-budget Danny Trejo vehicle became a bona fide smash on video. This, Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses was in the cards almost immediately, and who better to join Trejo as a geriatric vigilante than Detective Murtaugh himself? I do have to give Moss credit for not having Danny Glover use Murtaugh’s “I’m too old for this shit” tagline, at least.

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Lovelace (2013): Shallow Throat

Lovelace (Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman, 2013)

Amanda Seyfried vamps on the movie poster.

I had too much to dream last night.
photo credit: flicksandbits.com

I try—these days, anyway (I make no promises of same in my vault reviews)—to limit my comments about actors of either sex to their performances rather than their looks, other than a generic comment here and there about eye candy when it’s obvious that a writer obviously put in a part of Nameless Hot Blonde (especially in a lead role). But given the subject matter and the thrust, no pun intended, of Lovelace, I think it’s fair to open this review by saying that from the moment I set eyes on a nineteen-year-old actress named Amanda Seyfried in 2004’s phenomenal comedy Mean Girls, I developed a life-size crush on her. I think she is, in the vernacular, crazy gorgeous, one of those actresses who usually ends up getting cast as the hanger-on (viz. Mean Girls) or the mousy best friend (Jennifer’s Body, about which Seyfried was the only thing worth watching) when she’s the prettiest woman in the room. (At least she’s got job security, since Janeane Garofalo, who was often relegated to those same roles, seems to have chosen to focus more on TV these days.) So as soon as I heard she was going to be starring in a Linda Lovelace biopic, I was champing at the bit. One of the most beautiful women in the world playing one of the most famous porn stars in the world? How could this go wrong? That turns out to be a far more complex question than it probably deserves to be, and because of that, I watched Lovelace almost a month ago as I write these words, and I’m still pondering the question. That leads me to believe the film is maybe more worth your time than I initially believed. But I am, as usual, getting ahead of myself.

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Walking Wounded (1996): The Things They Carried

Robert Devereaux, Walking Wounded (Dell, 1996)

[originally published 23November2002]

The new cover features a hand holding a shish full of heads.

Twenty-odd years of turning sacred cows into shish kebabs.
photo credit: traumabooks.com

To saw that Walking Wounded is Robert Devereaux’s weakest effort is rather like saying that Atom Heart Mother was the weakest Pink Floyd album; when looked at in relation to the rest of the canon, it suffers, but compared to the greater view of the horror novel (or psychedelic rock), you’re still head and shoulders above the cloud. The moon can still eclipse the sun, despite its relatively small stature.

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Capsule Reviews, October 2014

Better late than never, I guess… (and you may note a subtle theme in the last half of this.)

Amye Rosenberg, Lily Pig’s Book of Colors (Golden Press, 1987)

Lily Pig rejoices over her birthday cake on the cover.

I should mention that since I wrote this review almost eight months ago, the Bean’s enthusiasm has not flagged one bit.
photo credit: childrensclassics.com.au

The Bean has been lagging behind with colors as he sprints ahead with letters and counting, but that doesn’t stop him from being enchanted with this book. Daddy isn’t, as much, because Lily Pig is drawn, well, downright creepy. I kicked this one up half a star because the Bean asks for it on a fairly regular basis, but this is one I wouldn’t mind seeing get lost behind the bookshelf. ** ½

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