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Tag Archives: how-to-guides

The 30-Minute Blowjob (XXXX): After Reading This, You Still Have 28 Minutes to Practice

The 30-Minute Blowjob (XXXX): After Reading This, You Still Have 28 Minutes to Practice

photo credit: Oregon State University

Eva Arlington, The 30 Minute Blowjob: How to Give Him the Best BJ Ever in 30 Minutes or Less (no publisher listed, no date listed)

bj

I’m always impressed when a cover design uses a fresh, exciting metaphor. photo credit: my copy

In the bedroom, tramp, bitch, slut, and whore are all interchangeable and synonymous with babycakes, honey, and ‘I Love You’.”

Even if the rest of the slim, common-sense volume were packed to the brim with the Secrets of the Ancient Mayan Temple Prostitutes or something, that sentence on its own would drop my rating here three stars or more. And since it’s not, well, there’s not too far to go before hitting zero.

Capsule Reviews, October 2014

Better late than never, I guess… (and you may note a subtle theme in the last half of this.)

Amye Rosenberg, Lily Pig’s Book of Colors (Golden Press, 1987)

Lily Pig rejoices over her birthday cake on the cover.

I should mention that since I wrote this review almost eight months ago, the Bean’s enthusiasm has not flagged one bit.
photo credit: childrensclassics.com.au

The Bean has been lagging behind with colors as he sprints ahead with letters and counting, but that doesn’t stop him from being enchanted with this book. Daddy isn’t, as much, because Lily Pig is drawn, well, downright creepy. I kicked this one up half a star because the Bean asks for it on a fairly regular basis, but this is one I wouldn’t mind seeing get lost behind the bookshelf. ** ½

* * *

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Capsule reviews (new), July 2014

Better late than never…

Homicide for Three (George Blair, 1948)

Audrey Long looks horrified in an artist's rendition on the movie poster.

Mortafella?
photo credit: moviepostershop.com

Barely-feature-length mystery potboiler featuring a honeymooning couple (Warren Douglas and Audrey Long) who get caught up in a game of mistaken identity after being lent a hotel room when they arrived in New York at the wrong time. Hijinks ensue. There is nothing at all about it that would set it off from hundreds of its peers, but on the other hand, if you’re looking for a quick and easy mystery with some amusing moments and a decided lack of time investment, this will fill the bill as much as any of those others would; certainly worth a look if you happen upon it one one of the subscription streaming services, where it appears with some regularity. ** ½

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Winning Horseracing Handicapping (1999): Lesson 1: Title for Clarity

Chuck Badone, Winning Horseracing Handicapping 2/E (Lone Star Park at Grand Prairie, 1999)

[originally posted 27Mar2001]

A series of photographs depicting track life adorn the cover of the trade paperback.

Playing the ponies, losing less money: a fine combination.
photo credit: ebay

Badone, the selections guru at the newly-opened Lone Star Park, wrote a book on handicapping long ago, during his days of giving seminars at Turf Paradise. When Lone Star opened, they reprinted the book with a number of revisions from Badone, as a kind of new-fan primer. Too bad they kept the grammatically painful title, but other than that, there’s little that will steer you wrong here.

If you’ve already read the basic handicapping texts, you’re not going to find terribly much here you haven’t read before, though Badone does put a few things into new perspectives. This book isn’t aimed at the well-read horseplayer, however, but at the new patron. Badone lays his material out quickly and easily, but without the pedantry that mars a number of books for beginning handicappers. He’s extremely easy to read, and his section on class changes is the easiest-to-understand I’ve ever read (not to mention one of the most solid; it’s not Jim Quinn’s Class of the Field, but for the beginning player, it’s great stuff). Highly recommended for casual and new fans of Thoroughbred racing. *** ½

Medical Transcription for Dummies (2012): Spelling Counts

Anne Martinez, Medical Transcription for Dummies (For Dummies/Wiley, 2012)

Full disclosure: this book was provided to me free of charge by Amazon Vine.

 

The cover of the book depicts a stethoscope resting atop a computer keyboard.

Step 1: If you’re using a stethoscope on a keyboard, you’re doing it wrong.
photo credit: browntechnical.com

I’m pretty sure this is not the outcome Anne Martinez envisioned when she was writing Medical Transcription for Dummies, but I’ve been working my way through a medical transcription course for a few years now, and after reading this book, I’ve given it up. I certainly don’t mean to imply that I did so because the book is badly written; that is not the case at all. Martinez, however, is willing to paint a much more balanced picture of life as a medical transcriptionist than you’re going to get from people who are selling how-to-be-a-medical-transcriptionist courses, and some of the things she points out here raised exactly the kind of red flags that I probably would have raised myself had I spent a little more time thinking about it.

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The $50 and Up Underground House Book (1981): How to Build a Sexist

Mike Oehler, The $50 and Up Underground House Book (Mole Publishing, 1981)

photo credit: undergroundhousing.com

When the nukes hit, would you rather be in a high rise or a bomb shelter? THIS IS IMPORTANT.

First off: not to put too fine a point on it, Mike Oehler is a sexist asshole. Well, there is a possibility that Mike Oehler was a sexist asshole in the seventies and that leopard has changed his spots; however, we’ll note in passing that the edition I read was a sixth, from 1997, with a number of updates, and he chose to leave the bit in the introduction about how much he hates liberated women, some nasty comments on a drawing, and a lovely aside about how he cooks “the way women used to before they lost every shred of intelligence.” I’ll say it again: these were still there in an edition newly revised and updated sixteen years after the book’s original publication. It has been another sixteen since, so perhaps we should at least attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt—and if he has revised that stuff out, you, of course, may not see it at all, and more power to you. It left one hell of a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps all the more so because Oehler claims, somewhat self-importantly, in one of the updates that The $50 and Up Underground House Book is the book on the subject of underground housing. That self-importance is justified; every other tome on the subject I have perused refers back to this one. Every single one, even those that then go on to construct what Oehler refers to as “first-thought houses”. (The riff I had in my head on this as I was reading was measure-once houses, referring to the old carpenters’ saw of “measure twice, cut once”.) Specifically, I kept going back in my head to my favorite underground-housing book, Rob Roy’s Earth-Sheltered Houses, which is first-thought to its very core, and wondering over and over again what Oehler must have thought, if he ever read the thing.

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It’s Potty Time! (for Boys) (2010): Flushit

No author listed, It’s Potty Time! (for Boys) (Smart Kidz Media, 2010)

Points off: no author listed (and let’s be honest, points off for spelling the name of your press “smart kidz”)

 

photo credit: Barnes and Noble

The “Press Me” button is one of those things that should give you the idea that you might want to give this a wide berth.

Well, the bean found it momentarily amusing thanks to the sound feature (you press a button, you get the sound of a flushing toilet and a giggling child), but from an adult’s perspective, I didn’t find it especially well-written, and it didn’t hold up to re-reading all that well; Dave didn’t seem to think so either, since it was in heavy rotation at reading time for about a week, then tapered off over week #2, and we haven’t picked it up since. We’ve pulled a selection of potty books out of the library (and Everyone Poops is a perennial storytime favorite; it’s still in light rotation after four months), and every one of them has gotten a better reaction so far; judging by my experience, I’d say this is a decent starting point, but get it from the library rather than buying a copy. * ½