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Tag Archives: half-a-star

Four in a Bed (2012): Roll Over, Roll Over

photo credit: Oregon State University

Yanusa Devon, Four in a Bed (No publisher listed, 2012)

four

Problem number one with this book: that only looks like one, and I don’t see a bed. photo credit: my copy

This was part of a series of cheap Kindle porn that got released under the wrong names, the cover is for Ceci Patricks’ Musings of a Sex Addict, but the text is for Four in a Bed. (Since I had the other book, I used the cover it should have had above instead of the cover it got.) This incredibly short “story” starts off sounding like a particularly bad Hustler letter written by a horny twelve-year-old who has no sexual experience whatsoever. And that’s the good part. By the third paragraph, the author has gone from at least rudimentary attempts at show-don’t-tell to sounding as if this is a school assignment and he wants to get it over with as fast as possible. He also pads things out by adding ridiculous, offensive stereotypes. “My wife Jade and Henry’s wife Bianca did a little lesbian act when we were completely naked and settled on our bed. Although Jade was bi-curious, I was strictly heterosexual. We only had sex with couples where the man was strictly heterosexual as well.” Seriously, do women exist who put up with the sort of idiotic double standard found in that passage? And who wouldn’t smack their husbands over the head for not including even a single detail in the first sentence, which in well-written erotica could easily be stretched out to two or three thousand words of tantalizing description? This is absolutely awful. ½ star because it’s not overtly morally objectionable, just stupid, naive, and terribly written.

Book of Poetry: Romantic Poems (XXXX): Least Accurate Title of the Year

James K. Moore, Book of Poetry: Romantic Poems (MooreSuccess, no date listed)

romantic

The cover is the most romantic thing about it. photo credit: pinterest

I have to admit that I’m impressed, in a grudging sort of way, by the poem “You and I” in this collection. It is possible to advance the hypothesis that every major error it is possible to make in the crafting of poetry exists in this single piece.

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You Might Not Still Be an Atheist After Reading This One (2012): Guess What?

Erik Lee Giles, You Might Not Still Be an Atheist After Reading This One (Erik Giles?, 2012)

(Note: there is no release information anywhere on the file, so I am assuming it is self-published through CreateSpace (thus the question mark above).)

Atheist

Note: I didn’t screw up the capture: that’s the actual right edge of the book cover. Photo credit: my copy

I am.

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Carpet (2012): Monkey Brains and Donkey Doos

Andrew Olah, Carpet (CreateSpace, 2012)

carpet

With a color scheme like that, it’s a carpet straight out of the seventies. photo credit: createspace.com

Seventy dollars. As I write this review, the list price on the print edition of Andrew Olah’s Carpet—the Kindle version seems to have (thankfully) disappeared—is $69.99. And in case that’s not ridiculous enough on its face when the majority of single-author collections published by major and academic presses run about $16-18 these days for 72-108pp. of poetry, I’ll echo the admonitions of another reviewer who was unlucky enough to pick up a few of Olah’s books free in Kindle form:

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Capsule Reviews, November 2014

Only late enough that December’s capsule reviews are coming next Monday…
[update 25Nov2014: and this should have been posted yesterday, but WordPress seems to be having problems with graphics uploads for some reason. I will get there, honest…]

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Capsule reviews (new), July 2014

Better late than never…

Homicide for Three (George Blair, 1948)

Audrey Long looks horrified in an artist's rendition on the movie poster.

Mortafella?
photo credit: moviepostershop.com

Barely-feature-length mystery potboiler featuring a honeymooning couple (Warren Douglas and Audrey Long) who get caught up in a game of mistaken identity after being lent a hotel room when they arrived in New York at the wrong time. Hijinks ensue. There is nothing at all about it that would set it off from hundreds of its peers, but on the other hand, if you’re looking for a quick and easy mystery with some amusing moments and a decided lack of time investment, this will fill the bill as much as any of those others would; certainly worth a look if you happen upon it one one of the subscription streaming services, where it appears with some regularity. ** ½

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Bits of Colored Glass (1967): Are Useful for Blinding Yourself

Donald Faulkner, Bits of Colored Glass (Onix Publishing, 1967)

photo credit: nogoodcause.blogspot.com

We can’t show it to you because the Internet fails us (I’ll see if I can find it when I get home and take a picture).

Bits of Colored Glass, Donald Faulkner’s fourth book of doggerel, is not my first brush with one of greater Cleveland’s most infamous purveyors of awful poesy; I read The Casket and the Rose back in 2005, and it was horrific. And yet, I had another Faulkner on my shelf I had picked up at the same time. And knowing that, I couldn’t help myself. I made my bed, etc.

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