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Tag Archives: erotica

Four in a Bed (2012): Roll Over, Roll Over

photo credit: Oregon State University

Yanusa Devon, Four in a Bed (No publisher listed, 2012)

four

Problem number one with this book: that only looks like one, and I don’t see a bed. photo credit: my copy

This was part of a series of cheap Kindle porn that got released under the wrong names, the cover is for Ceci Patricks’ Musings of a Sex Addict, but the text is for Four in a Bed. (Since I had the other book, I used the cover it should have had above instead of the cover it got.) This incredibly short “story” starts off sounding like a particularly bad Hustler letter written by a horny twelve-year-old who has no sexual experience whatsoever. And that’s the good part. By the third paragraph, the author has gone from at least rudimentary attempts at show-don’t-tell to sounding as if this is a school assignment and he wants to get it over with as fast as possible. He also pads things out by adding ridiculous, offensive stereotypes. “My wife Jade and Henry’s wife Bianca did a little lesbian act when we were completely naked and settled on our bed. Although Jade was bi-curious, I was strictly heterosexual. We only had sex with couples where the man was strictly heterosexual as well.” Seriously, do women exist who put up with the sort of idiotic double standard found in that passage? And who wouldn’t smack their husbands over the head for not including even a single detail in the first sentence, which in well-written erotica could easily be stretched out to two or three thousand words of tantalizing description? This is absolutely awful. ½ star because it’s not overtly morally objectionable, just stupid, naive, and terribly written.

Sarah Swallows (2012): …But You Don’t Have To

photo credit: Oregon State University

Francine Forthright, Sarah Swallows (Mmmmmore, 2012)

swallows

This might have been less offensive had she swallowed lye. photo credit: my copy

SPOILER ALERT

Spoiler Alert!

There is one way to get an instant and automatic zero-star rating from me: include a scene that starts out as rape and ends as conventional sex. It’s even worse when that scene is the entire book. (zero)

Read and Masturbate vol. 3 (2012): Not a Chance

photo credit: Oregon State University

Anonymous (ed.), Read and Masturbate, vol. 3 (No publisher listed, 2012)

ram

Bleed and obfuscate. photo credit: my copy

This is another of those pieces of cheap Kindle porn that seems as if the compiler simply harvested pieces from one of the alt.sex.stories.* newsgroups and cut/pasted to form this. Thievery issues aside, conceptually, such things would be good if the compiler has a little taste. Practically, however, I’m waiting to read my first one that’s actually worth reading. The two stories presented here, both of which have Indian narrators, are just as amateurish as in any other thing like this I’ve reviewed, but there’s a much uglier, darker, and more offensive tone here than usual: both of these stories revolve around rape. (No, there’s no difference between “non-consensual sex” and rape, and if you think there is, you’re part of the problem.) As a result, I did indeed complete the first half of the title’s directive, but the second couldn’t have been farther from my mind. (zero)

Company (2011): We’ll Make You Shout “Encore” And Send Us Out for More

photo credit: Oregon State University

Nathan Fisher, Company (Publisher unknown, 2011)

Company

Surprisingly, the tattoos do have something to do with the story. photo credit: my copy

Company” seems to have disappeared from Amazon, along with the rest of Nathan Fisher’s Testing the Boundaries series. Which is kind of a shame, because when it comes to cheap Kindle porn, 99% of it ranges from mediocre to downright awful. “Company” is average, which is still better than mediocre. It’s a pretty standard story (sexy married couple invites wife’s friend to join them one night) with pretty standard (read: overly beautiful to the point of being flawless) characters, but it’s well-written and the actual sex is realistic enough that it’s better than most of this sort of thing. My main gripe with it is my main gripe with pretty much any ultra-short piece of Kindle porn that’s actually good: Fisher could have made it so much better by building characters we could actually get to know and care about, interesting, flawed people whose reactions to the sex are as realistic as the sex itself. Alas, however, it seems we can’t have everything. ***

Me and My Big Mouth (2011): That’s Another Fine Mess You’ve Gotten Me Into

photo credit: Oregon State University

Lusha Lovelace, Me and My Big Mouth (Desires Unleashed, 2011)

bigmouth

That’s one lucky chair. Photo credit: my Kindle copy

Another piece of cheap Kindle porn that has to add degradation to rough sex, but at least it’s in moderation here, there’s a decent amount of setup to make this feel like there’s something to it other than being porny, and the sex itself is steamily written. Probably the best of the batch of Kindle shorts of its ilk I read this weekend, save for the unnecessary degradation. Also: you might assume from the title this is meant as a romantic (well, porny) comedy. Not the case. ** ½

Cthulhurotica (2009): The Lake at Inn-and-Outsmoth

Carrie Cuinn (ed.), Cthulhurotica (Dagan Books, 2010)

 

photo credit: cthulhurotica.com

Would you like… a quince?

You see a name like Cthulhurotica and you gotta think “tentacle porn”. Well, okay, maybe not if you’re not into anime, but who isn’t these days? And Cuinn, in her amusing introduction to this volume, makes that exact same argument, and then basically says “we got a lot of that submitted, but hey, we got some good stuff too, and here it is.” And she’s right.

I grant you, by staying away from porn, Cuinn ended up treading a line in many places between Cthulhurotica and Cthulhuromance, which is not necessarily an awful thing at all (the most obvious example of this is Don Pizarro’s “The C-Word”, which, perhaps not coincidentally, ended up being my favorite story in the volume). Not to say that the authors who got down and dirty didn’t do so in ways that will get the reader’s Old Ones up and running; Gabrielle Harbowy’s “Descent of the Wayward Sister” is just delicious, and oh, Mae Empson’s “Between a Rock and an Elder Goddess.”

Which is not to say, as is usually the case with anthologies, there aren’t a few misses here and there. Andrew Searce’s “The Lake at Roopkund” is exactly the sort of lesbian-phobic nonsense I’d hoped we’d all gotten past by now (and if it was meant in any ironic sense, Searce did a bit too good a job at not tipping the wink), for example.

The book concludes with a handful of essays that turned out to be, well, just as interesting as the stories. Wasn’t expecting that in the slightest. Score! I must admit, I went into this one not knowing what to expect, and ended up liking it a great deal more than I expected. *** ½