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With Sunshine, Comes Rain (2012): With Commas, Come Bad Reviews

B. Alexander, With Sunshine, Comes Rain [sic] (No publisher listed, 2012)

had I been planning on giving this monstrosity any points, it would have lost them for incomplete information.

photo credit: Lulu

Amazon’s version has a “Look Inside” feature. I would tell you to use it, but that way lies madness.

I have said it when reviewing other collections of self-published poetry by young authors, and I’m sure this won’t be the last time I say it: from personal (and painful) experience, I look at some of the stuff I published when I was in my late teens and early twenties and cringe. More to the point, I look at some of the stuff I submitted for publication—but that every place I sent it very wisely rejected—and I want to sink through the floor. It’s awful, awful, awful stuff that I fervently hope never sees the light of day. When I was twenty-two years old, I didn’t have the critical faculties to realize just how bad it was. By the time I was in my mid-thirties, I saw it all too clearly. Had I self-published a book of that stuff, I’d want to collect every copy I could and burn it. When you self-publish in ebook form… that’s pretty much impossible, as I suspect B. Alexander will discover in ten or fifteen years, when he looks back at things like this…

“We wrote a story,
We planned it all,
How we’d start,
How we’d fall,
Every page, we filled,
The chapters, we named,
After late nights,
Drinking games,
My nicknames for you,
Silly names,
But I still read it sometimes, babe,
I flip through the pages,
I skim to the end,
It’s blank, ageless,

Waiting to be written.”
(–‘The Last Chapter”)

…and wonders why on the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s tomato-scented Earth he thought that was worth including in a publication to be sold at Amazon—if for no other reason because of the plethora of  unnecessary commas. Though you should have probably guessed that was coming given the book’s title. A couple of “show don’t tell” lessons and a remedial course in comma placement may get this author to the point where he can start thinking about writing poetry; what’s here is doggerel. (zero)

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

One response »

  1. Pingback: Worst I Read, 2013 Edition | Popcorn for Breakfast

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