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Alex and the Tentacle Monster (????): Alice in Urotsukidojiland

photo credit: Oregon State University

K. Matthew, Alex and the Tentacle Monster (No publisher listed, no date listed)

had I planned on giving this book any stars, it would have lost them for incomplete information.

photo credit: iTunes

Slimes, slimes, everywhere the slimes…
(this is the third time I have referenced Tesla’s worst song in the past week. I think my brain is melting.)

You know what? I’m down with the tentacles. (I favorably reviewed the first Urotsukidoji film about a decade ago; too bad the second was so awful.) I’m down with Alice in Wonderland, too, especially weirded-out versions like Svankmajer’s. If you combine the two, you’ve got the potential for greatness—all of which is wasted in this far-too-short-for-any-of-the-niceties-like-character-development story, which exists solely to have tentacles penetrate orifices. Okay, now I will admit, maybe it’s just me, but am I wrong to demand a little romance, a little feeling, from my alien tentacle monsters? You’re not using all of those tentacles for penetrative purposes, bub, how about holding a flower bouquet with one? Or cooking lamb chops with mint sauce, huh? But no, you think you can just waltz right down to Earth and abduct people right out of their cars and use them in all sorts of “experiments” and expect that no one will ever tell their fellow Earthlings because, after all, who would believe that sort of thing…?

…okay, I’ll put my tinfoil hat back on now. (zero)

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

One response »

  1. Pingback: Worst I Read, 2013 Edition | Popcorn for Breakfast

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