RSS Feed

The Haunting of Whaley House (2012): Nope, I Can’t Come Up with a Subtitle Bad Enough to Sum This Up

The Haunting of Whaley House (Jose Prendes, 2012)

 

photo credit: theringmastersrealm.blogspot.com

Just because you don’t believe in crappy movies doesn’t mean they don’t believe in you!

The Haunting of Whaley House (and sing this with me if you know the words, kids—you probably should by now) is one of those movies that starts out very unsure of the kind of movie it’s trying to be. Unlike most of them, though, that seem to settle into some sort of groove after a while, this one makes every possible wrong choice and comes up with a plotless excuse for (terrible) special effects that I can’t quite believe someone was desperate enough for money to release.

 

photo credit: phimso.info

“No, actually, I do always look this bored whilst holding a weapon.”

The movie starts off looking like it’s going to be a comedy. Spoiler alert: the biggest mistake made during the making of this film was abandoning the comedy angle and going for a straight horror film, because the opening scenes of this movie—while still well below average—are its best. As soon as it tries to go serious-horror, it fails, and fails miserably; there is not a single original idea to be found here, the special effects are ghastly, the acting is awful, etc. I could write a thousand words about how bad this movie is, but I can show you in a single sentence: Jose Prendes’ next job was writing Hansel & Gretel, the Asylum mockbuster aimed at the Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters crowd. What more do you need to know? *

 

When you see the Asylum logo in the first few seconds of this trailer, you know you’re in for shit.

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: