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Samurai-Princesu: Gedo-hime (2009): Blahnime

Samurai-Purincesu: Gedo-hime (Kengo Kaji, 2009)

 

photo credit: toxic-graveyard.com

Obviously, one of the requirements for being a samurai is showing as much skin as possible.

The runaway success of 2006’s The Machine Girl kicked off a thriving cottage industry in ultra-violent cute-cyborg-girl revenge movies in Japan. To be blunt, the majority of them suck. Samurai-Purincesu: Gedo-hime, released in the west with the much simpler title Samurai Princess, is no exception. You probably knew this if you’re a pornhound, since the title role is played by Aino Kishi, who’s much better known for her efforts in such timeless classics as Kinky Asian Schoolgirl and Lovely Asian Sensuous Teen Nurse. This flick doesn’t ask her to do much acting, though she was probably happy with the change in pace of getting to leave her clothing on for more than two minutes at a stretch.

photo credit: cornelius93.com

This is one of those times when she didn’t.

There is a plot, or at least, a plot is set up: Our samurai princess and her eleven friends are kidnapped, repeatedly raped, brutalized, etc. until all of them save our main character are dead, at which point a mad scientist transfers the eleven souls of her friends into our main character and turns her into a half-human, half-robot killing machine. Cue large amounts of violence and enough fake blood to drown a horse. And once the swords start slashing and the blood starts flying, who needs a plot?

photo credit: bargainbinreview.com

“For the love of simoleons, have a little backbone!”

Well, me, for one. One of the things that made The Machine Girl so much fun is that it’s got a plot. And real characters. Yes, there’s a great deal of over-the-top comedic violence, but it’s all in service to the story, whereas here it’s gore for gore’s sake. There’s nothing to latch onto for the viewer, and all we’re left with is a movie so gratuitous that, if you make the mistake of watching it, it will have likely faded from your memory by the time it’s finished. ½

 

Really, it’s less a trailer than it is a showcase of how low-budget the special effects are. But they called it a trailer anyway.

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

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