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Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction (1997): Rotting Equine Carcass, Meet Whip

Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction (Kurt Voss, 1997)

 

photo credit: apatmepharni.ciki.me

Not the usual DVD cover. Somehow this one is… more appealing.

It’s simple: the only reason you’re going to want to watch Poison Ivy 3, if you want to watch it at all (and that is by no means a given), is because Emmy Award winner Jamie Pressly, in one of her earliest roles, is hot hot hot. I mean, what else could there possibly be? Even if you appreciated the “artistry” of the first two films in the series, this one has not thing one to do with them (Ivy appears here only briefly, and in flashback, as a nine-year-old), and as an erotic thriller, well… either that’s the toughest genre in the world to do correctly, or America has simply forgotten how to do it at all. And here’s yet another example of that.

photo credit: extratorrent.com

There’s Jaime Pressly and… wait, there’s more?

Plot: do you really need one? Violet (Pressly, an Emmy winner for My Name Is Earl) is Ivy’s sister, and at the beginning of the movie, when they’re pre-teens, it’s discovered that their mom, the housekeeper for a wealthy family, is having an affair with the poolboy. Why this gets everyone up in arms I have no idea, but she and her kids are tossed out on their ears. Fast-forward ten years, and Violet is back, supposedly looking for a place to stay while working at a local chain restaurant for the summer, trying to save for college. Joy (Tattoo, A Love Story‘s Megan Edwards), her old playmate, is overjoyed to see her, as is Joy’s father Ivan (Mulholland Dr.‘s Michael des Barres). The replacement housekeeper (the late, great Susan Tyrrell)… not so much. Needless to say, the housekeeper’s right, and Violet has an ulterior motive…

photo credit: Barnes and Noble.

“Hi. I’m from the MPAA, and I’m here to help you.”

…which involves lots of sex, not an inconsiderable amount of violence, and just plain silly overacting from everyone involved. But then, as I said before, you’re not here for the acting. And you’re certainly not here for the ridiculous script. You’re here because, well, it’s Jamie Pressly twenty years old and naked. * ½

 

If you have the intestinal fortitude for it, here’s the full movie.

 

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

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