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Fading of the Cries (2011): The Silence of the Hams

Fading of the Cries (Brian A. Metcalf, 2011)

photo credit: gorgview.com

“My sword is my bond. …James Bond.”

When it comes to horror movie lists, Fading of the Cries was the only one that almost approached the same uniformity on worst-of lists that plagued Hellraiser: Revelations. And Fading of the Cries is indeed that horrific, though in an entirely different way than Revelations is; everything about this movie is simply wrong, in ways that make no semblance of sense.

photo credit: listal.com

Sunlight… on my shoulders… makes me happy…

Fading of the Cries does in fact have a plot, though I’m unsure I can relay it to you in any coherent fashion (this is because the script cannot, and even the synopsis listed on IMDB only gives the barest bones of this mess: there’s Jacob (Jordan Matthews in his screen debut). Jacob has a sword, and his main job seems to be fighting Matthias (Death Machine‘s Brad Dourif), a necromancer (side note: the consistent mispronunciation of the word “necromancer” in this movie is the funniest/most painful thing about it) who’s after an amulet currently owned by Sarah (You’ve Got Mail‘s Hallee Hirsh), whose father, it seems, stole it from Matthias some years ago. Despite all this (which takes up roughly the first seven-eighths of the movie), it seems the actual main character of the thing was supposed to be Jill (7th Heaven‘s Mackenzie Rosman), Sarah’s younger sister, who if nothing else is the movie’s best-drawn (and funniest, though always unintentionally) character.

photo credit: tumblr

“Why did you put all this rubber on my head, Brian?”

Which makes no sense until you actually sit through the thing, and please, for the love of peaches, if you value your sanity, I can only say one thing: don’t. This is a movie that makes no sense not only in its execution but in its conception. The guy who wrote the score seems to have thought (or been told) that he was writing the soundtrack to a Hallmark Original Movie (an extra-inspirational one to boot). Metcalf , turning in his first feature, does his level best to make sure that every piece of miscasting to be found here is exploited to the very limits of its potential for confusion, which is also a fine description of the viewer’s reaction to Brad Rushing (Shrieker)’s puzzling, sometimes ridiculous, choices with the cinematography. In other words, the only reason I’m giving this movie half a star is that I finished watching it, for reasons that shall forever remain unknown to me. Please don’t make the same mistake. ½

Trailer.

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

4 responses »

  1. Pingback: The Sculptress (2000): The Lawnmower Script | Popcorn for Breakfast

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