Alice in Murderland (Dennis Devine, 2010)
I will say this right up front: Alice in Murderland, a ridiculous attempt at making a themed slasher film, is one of the single worst movies I have ever actually sat all the way through. It comes in at much less than an hour and a half, but it feels like twice that length. The only reason I’m giving it half a star is that I finished watching it, and it’s not patently offensive in its theme or content. It is the rare film that makes me with I had that hour and change of my life back, but Alice in Murderland falls squarely into that category. If you are one of the short-attention-span crowd, I will tell you now that you should flee screaming in terror rather than subjecting yourself to this waste of celluloid. But if you are the type of masochist who insists on knowing why you should flee screaming in terror rather than subjecting yourself to this waste of celluloid, then by all means read on.
Plot: twenty-one years ago, Alice’s mother was murdered on her own twenty-first birthday. Now Alice (Fame‘s Maleria Grady), her own twenty-first birthday approaching, is trying to find something to take her mind off her own mortality. Her sorority sisters plan an Alice in Wonderland-themed twenty-first birthday party to take place at the newly-purchased performance space of Mr. White (Rush Hour‘s Christopher Senger), uncle of sorority sister Malory (Sawblade‘s Marlene Mc’Cohen)…which just happens to be the house where Alice’s mother was murdered. True to form, once the sorority sisters and Mr. White are not-so-safely ensconced in the space, a serial killer begins preying on the crew.
In short: the script is ludicrous, the acting is terrible across the board, the cinematography (especially the lighting in the indoor scenes, which is most of the movie) is well below the standards of competence, the choreography (in the catfight scene) is laughable… I could go on, but honestly, I can’t see a reason to. There is not a single redeeming quality to this movie, and I’m including the fact that the majority of the cast is made up of young, hot women who all got their costumes from the generic-sexy-costume shop. Yes, everything about this movie is so bad I couldn’t even concentrate on the hot young things in skimpy outfits. Now that’s bad. ½
If you feel like it, the trailer.