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The Living Impaired (2005): A Plot to Murder Your Brain Cells

The Living Impaired (Michael Fox, 2005)

[note: review originally published 13Dec2010]

 

photo credit: me

Is it me, or does this look like something from the opening of Magnum PI?

This is the third time this week I’ve found myself wondering what the hell I was thinking continuing to watch a movie. Which is way too much for one week, I have to say, It’s almost enough to make me want to stop watching movies for a while. And maybe I’m just seeing the wrong ones, but why is it that while every other country seems to be making great low-budget zombie flicks these days (off the top of my head, in the last five years I’ve seen wonderful no-budget zombie flicks from Norway, Greece, Korea, Brazil, Germany, Japan, Thailand, and of course Italy), the last two I saw from Canada have hit my 100-worst-movies-ever list before I was even done watching them. Cone on, Canada, you can do a whole lot better than that.

 

photo credit: moi

keep the kiddies out of the make-up cabinet!

I will give this one thing over the execrable Zombies Ate My Neighbours: The Movie: this does have a plot, however boneheaded it may be. A bunch of drunk high school students decide to get together and have a party at the house of a co-ed whose parents were murdered the week before. (Yes, that’s the level of comedy to be found here.) On the way to the party, the first band of students get attacked by a zombie. You know how it goes from there, but the screenwriter (the movie isn’t listed on IMDB and I wasn’t taking notes, so I don’t have names, sorry) did throw vampires into the mix later on, along with the least effective monster hunter since Brad Dourif in I, Desire. The difference, of course, is that Brad Dourif is a fearsome actor. This guy… isn’t.

photo credit: mememe

An example of the make-up the kiddies are not supposed to see. Are you scarred for life now?

 

This was quite obviously a labor of love, shot on a shoestring at best, but the market is so full of no-budget horror flicks now that strata have appeared, and it’s perfectly acceptable to judge these labors of love on their technical merits as well as the amount of enthusiasm the filmmakers put into the movie. When you’ve got stuff out there like Lockout and Baby Blues, or even negative-budget but still watchable stuff like Twisted Issues (Charles Pinion’s first movie), why would you waste your time on something like this that’s badly-acted, badly-shot, and that will make you want your money back even if you watched it free on Youtube? I’ll give it this: it’s not as outright incompetent as Sigma Die!, the worst movie I saw this week, but it runs a pretty close second. ½ 

 

When I wrote that review, as far as I know, you couldn’t actually watch the entire thing free on Youtube. You can now.

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

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