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Call Girl Wives (2005): Generic Skinemax Silliness

photo credit: Oregon State University

Call Girl Wives (Michael Whiteacre, 2005)

[note: review originally published 1Dec2008]


photo credit:

Maybe she should’ve taken the stage name Ashley Longer! (groan…)

IMDB’s “If you liked this movie, you’ll like…” feature recommends both National Lampoon’s European Vacation and Lost in Translation for fans of Call Girl Wives. I have no idea why it chooses either one. I’m not entirely sure about anything when it comes to Call Girl Wives, in fact, other than that it’s one of those movies that really makes me wonder why I bother to review movies. A softcore movie with hardcore stars, straddling the line between comedy and drama (and doing both spectacularly unsuccessfully), Call Girl Wives sets itself up as a kind of morality play (though, granted, on the opposite end of the morality spectrum than one normally sees) and even manages to fail in that. The one thing this movie does better than most softcore films is that it actually does have one attractive cast member, Ashley Long. And boy, is she smokin’.

Other than that, though, this will look like your typical softcore film; set pieces of supposedly erotic activity that are linked together through something that might resemble a plot if you turn your head and squint right, if your idea of intricate plotting can be found in a Nora Roberts novel. The sex isn’t even well-simulated. I’m sure there are worse softcore movies out there, but I haven’t seen any recently. Or, for that matter, ever. *

About Robert "Goat" Beveridge

Media critic (amateur, semi-pro, and for one brief shining moment in 2000 pro) since 1986. Guy behind noise/powerelectronics band XTerminal (after many small stints in jazz, rock, and metal bands). Known for being tactless but honest.

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