Hellraiser: Revelations (Victor Garcia, 2011)
I’ve been having a little fun going through Dread Central’s worst movies of 2011 lists and checking out the stuff that showed up on multiple lists. I was not nearly as disappointed with Creature as that lot were, but they were dead on the money with Hellraiser: Revelations, a movie so ridiculous that even Doug Bradley, who’s been using the Hellraiser series as his primary income for decades, jumped ship.
It’s a ridiculous rehash of the first film; they might well have done better to just call it a reboot and have done with it. But Garcia (Return to House on Haunted Hill) and screenwrtier Gary Tunnicliffe (Megalodon—but more worth noting is that he’s been part of the SFX team on various Hellraiser films since the third, as well as Barker’s own film Lord of Illusions) took the events of the first film and couched them in an inept mystery about the disappearance of two college-age friends in Mexico (who, of course, opened the box and summoned Pinhead, now played by Everything Must Go‘s Stephan Smith Collins, and his playmates—even including a new version of the chattering cenobite, now female). And hey, Victor and Gary, can we talk about that? Because even in the crappiest Hellraiser sequels so far (which is, really, everything from the third movie on, and even the second really wasn’t any great shakes), one of the very few things we looked forward to was at least some sort of inventiveness, creativity, irony, or even stupidity in the new cenobites that were sure to appear. And what did we get this time? [SPOILER ALERT!] A rehashed chatterer and “Pseudo-Pinhead”? Come on, are you SERIOUS? [/SPOILER ALERT]
You are, I am sure, as painfully aware as I am that the inevitable reboot of the franchise is eventually coming. (IMDB says there’s one in development, but no details are listed yet. Empire Online, terrifyingly, are strongly insinuating that Dimension is trying to make the movie franchise that has always pushed the hard-R boundary to its limits into a PG-13 franchise this go-round. But here’s the question you have to mull over: is it even remotely possible that even a PG-13 remake could be worse than Hellraiser: Revelations? I dread the actual answer to this question, because the odds that the answer is “yes” are at leas a thousand to one… but they’re not zero. How awful a concept is that? ½ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orWK-QlPSfg Oh, I guess that wasn’t a spoiler, since Pseudo-Pinhead is in the trailer…